A recent newspaper article featured a Singapore-born man’s dating website in which wealthy male members bid cash for attractive female members for dates. Pictures include scantily dressed women in sexy poses.
I don’t write this in a judgmental way. I feel compassion for this businessman, even if I am uninspired by his work. However I hope that we can use wisdom and good judgement in looking at the impact of actions such as these.
“It may seem materialistic for a woman to find a rich man, or shallow for such a man to flaunt his wealth but that’s the way the world works“, the man told The Sunday Times.
My response to him would be: How do we want the world to work? And how can we create business or systems that inspire new, more fulfilling ways of being? You seem to have the money – how could you?
The business owner says he started his business because of “his own frustrations with dating”, alluding to the fact that he had no dates when he went to school in Singapore.
I would say to him: “I’m sorry you didn’t date at a time when it probably felt natural to. I’m hearing some pain. When we are hurt though, it’s important for us to heal our wounds so we don’t inflict them on others. How much do you love yourself? What are you encouraging in the world through your business? What would you like your legacy to be when you die, and even now? What are you role-modelling?”
However my main reason for writing this is to engage people who are interested in creating a world that is very different from what this businessman is creating; a world in which our relationships help us grow into better human beings, serve others and experience a deep love for ourselves and others.
If you are keen on dating for such a meaningful partnership, there’s a very important book, “Soul-dating to soul-mating” as well as articles by one of the authors. Even if you’re already in a relationship, I believe that this book could help to bring your relationship to a new level.
Another excellent resource to help us use our relationships as a means of personal growth is “The Heart’s Wisdom”, which has lots of personal sharing by the authors. They also have an online archive of useful articles on various issues couples may face challenges on. Here’s an excellent interview with the couple.
Such authors offer guide-posts for our paths to love. They also offer some role-modelling in a world where we may not have many role-models for the kind of relationships which inspire us deeply. We would also benefit from looking at the kind of beliefs and dialogues (with ourselves and others) we have about relationships. Do they inspire us towards new possibilities and remind us of our higher potential to be better human beings or keep us entrenched in “how the world works” right now? There’s often talk especially for women to have low expectations of men because “men are the way they are”.
Here’s to breaking free towards relationships that nourish us and help us become better, happier human beings…