My Vision: A happier and kinder Singapore (Image credit: Heather Lim)
I emotionally disengaged from Singapore years ago. I left for a few years and came back from New York for what I thought would be a short while so I could be based here while looking for a job overseas.
Then 18th May 2009 happened.
Four migrant workers were killed while being transported in the cargo deck of a goods vehicle. The photo I saw of a relative of one of the deceased was like a defribulator to my heart; it awoke the old emotions I had about the apathy, unkindness, materialism and joylessness that made me want to leave Singapore.
Why is it that hundreds of thousands of migrant workers are transported in cargo vehicles while the rest of us wear seat-belts in our cars?
I felt terrible. I started talking to migrant workers and learned a lot about their problems. And when I shared what I learned with fellow Singaporeans, I received a lot of negative responses:
“There are already safety regulations on transporting these workers. What more do you want? Be pragmatic. Why are you wasting your time and education? You’ll get molested – be careful. These workers are lying to you to get your pity and money. They came here to work so should put up with what they face here. Don’t you have anything else to do? When will you get a real job? Why do you want to help these foreigners? Why can’t you help Singaporeans?”
I was defensive and angry initially. But I went through a major transformation which made me realise that Singaporeans had their own struggles, which looked different from the migrant workers’ struggles but which were just as important.
I learned to be less judgmental and started listening deeply to people’s stories.
And what did I find? Loss of meaning. Loss of higher values. Loss of genuine connection. Loss of good health. Loss of happiness……it looked like money had become our religion.
If people did not have enough joy and dignity in their own lives, how could they extend that to others on the margins of society?
My anger and judgementalism transformed into understanding and something I didn’t quite expect – love.
Suddenly it was no longer only about transport. Or migrant workers. Or animals. Or women. Or disabled people. Or other groups I had worked for over the years. It was about all of us – our potential to suffer and experience joy. It was about making the best of our human experience and being happy.
More workers in passenger vehicles. It's my personal barometer for understanding our levels of happiness and kindness.
For about twenty years, I was focused on specific groups that suffered in society but paid less attention to myself, loved ones, those who may not be actively involved in helping others worse off than them and those who inflicted suffering on others. I am changing this now. And it is what is at the heart of my happiness. Suddenly all the things I had been learning about how to live a better life just clicked beautifully. Of course I still have challenges but I have finally found my home again in Singapore. And I live more deeply and joyfully.
So that’s the heart of my story. My aim for this blog is to invite you to connect with the heart of your life-story and enable the positive transformations you seek.
I am looking forward to growing with you!
Love, Vadivu
vadivu[at]happiness.sg
PS: This blog is in memory of the four migrant workers who were killed in the May 2009 accident.
PPS: About a year after starting this blog, I launched an initiative to build a more joyful Singapore – Joy Works.
My training
I graduated from the National University of Singapore with a degree in Social Work in 1995/96. I completed my Master of Public Administration at Columbia University, New York City in 2009. My practicum was in conflict resolution and I took some inspiring workshops in dignity, emotional intelligence, cultural intelligence and appreciative inquiry at Columbia.
My best training has been through my own life experiences, struggles and mistakes, books I have read, and wise people I have had the honour of knowing.
My favourite poem, “The Invitation”, sums up what I think of formal credentials or academic excellence. Some of the wisest, most joyful and compassionate people I have known did not have the best formal education. So I gently urge you to look closely at what sustains someone “when all else falls away”, as Oriah says in “The Invitation”.
I just started looking at your blog and I’m discovering gems of wisdom in all the messages of love and kindness, there’s so much wonderful stuff here. It is so delightful and simple and provoking. I like the pictures, the “vision of Singapore” heart, the stories and articles and interviews, and have lots more to read and explore.
thanks for sharing your blog with me. i like the messages a lot and i’ll definitely pop in once in a while to read your next update.
Thanks for starting this blog Vadivu. I think its a fantastic idea. I’m wishing you all the best in this very important venture in creating awareness and being an agent for change.
Hi Vadivu, nice meeting you today at the dialogue.
I like your reflections.
Some are similar to my own experience of looking at things differently and slowly returning to my “home”, live my life fruitfully instead of complaining.
So happy that we connected, Albert, and thank you for posting a comment! I’m inspired by your transformation from complaining to perceiving and living life differently. With just a few shifts in our mind, the world looks and feels different. What has been your biggest shift in your thinking?
One shift I have had is to understand that in general, I get back what I put out into the world. The other is to understand that people are the way they are because they were conditioned to be that way or perhaps they have some unresolved hurts which they are now inflicting on others (mostly unconsciously). Peace and compassion then replaces anger and frustration…
Vadivu, this is a tough one.
I have grown tired of saying the same thing to numerous people, but situation does not improve. I said some terrible things to my loved ones, especially my mum. With these happenings, i have grown to understand not to escape, but accept and face the people involved, situations, circumstances, etc instead of having fantasies on the ideals.
What is that quote? “Be the change that you want to see in the world”. I may have not correctly quoted it, but hope you get the jest. Ever listen to any Jackson Browne(my favorite singer/songwriter)other than the Beatles
That’s one of my mottos, John, thank you! I don’t always succeed… but I think we can make much better progress on the big social problems we’re facing if we start with working on ourselves.
Just started listening to Jackson Browne upon your recommendation…and appreciating the thoughtful lyrics…Would you like to recommend a song for me and other readers to listen to? :)
well, where do I begin? “Doctor my eyes”, “For everyman” “For a dancer”, “Your bright baby blues”, “Late for the sky”, “These days”, “Take it easy”, “Never stop”,”My sunning mystery companion”, “Sky blue and black”, “In the shape of a heart”, “THE PRETENDER”(my favorite), “Lives in the balance’, “Too many angels” His music is both political and emotional(dealing with love, relatinships) You may find a sadness in some of his songs, but his lyrics are so…. well he’s a poet. Please Vadivu let me know what you thinks Also his music grows on you. Did I recommend enough songs??? jb
hi!i am your mum’s student and i love what you post on your blog!
I’m so glad you enjoy it, Yumi! Spread some happiness; share the blog with friends…:)
Hi V, you just to nice for me to be your friends i feel honoured
Hi Vadivu,
Congrats on you site! I landed here while browsing through the mattieonline website. And I just got done browsing through Oriah’s page, thanks to you. I had never heard of her before. I love what she has to share. Both of her life experiences and her formal expertise. It is great to read and hear about the inspiring and motivational people and the things the are doing and how they are sharing their gifts with the world.
Cheers to a better worl!!!
Best wishes!
Hi B,
I’m grateful to Mattie for connecting us even after he’s no longer with us. I’m also heartened to hear that Oriah’s work speaks to you. It is indeed wonderful when we share our gifts to the world…here’s a free resource that helps us learn more about our gifts…it’s the VIA Character Strengths Survey: http://www.viacharacter.org/SURVEYS/SurveyCenter/tabid/62/language/en-US/Default.aspx
Thank you for sharing your gift of appreciation with me.
:) Vadivu
Hi Vadivu
i was just looking at your blog again, and wanted to thank you for all the beautiful & inspiring posts. You are special.
:-) thavam
Special Thavam,
Thank you for your encouraging words! I feel nourished by them. :)